{"id":151,"date":"2026-09-24T10:47:45","date_gmt":"2026-09-24T10:47:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/?p=151"},"modified":"2026-09-24T10:47:46","modified_gmt":"2026-09-24T10:47:46","slug":"the-art-of-being-present-a-ted-talk-on-modern-dating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/?p=151","title":{"rendered":"The Art of Being Present \u2013 A TED Talk on Modern Dating<\/strong>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

[MUSIC \u2013 INSPIRING]<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[HOST]:<\/strong> Please welcome to the stage, Dr. Elena Vasquez.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[APPLAUSE]<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[DR. VASQUEZ]:<\/strong> Thank you. Thank you. Please, sit down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She pauses. She looks at the audience. She smiles.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want to tell you a story about a man named David. David is 34 years old. He’s an engineer. He’s intelligent, successful, kind. And he’s been single for five years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David has been on 147 first dates. He’s been on every dating app. He’s read every book. He’s listened to every podcast. He’s done everything “right.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yet, he’s still alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I met David six months ago. He came to me because he was exhausted. He said, “I’ve tried everything. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said, “David, tell me about your last date.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He said, “It went fine. We had a good conversation. We talked about our jobs. Our hobbies. Our families. She was nice. I think she liked me.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said, “Did you like her?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He paused. He said, “I don’t know.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that’s when I realized what was wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David wasn’t looking for a partner. He was looking for a performance review. He was so busy evaluating whether he was “doing well” that he forgot to actually be there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He wasn’t present. He was performing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[PAUSE]<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is the problem with modern dating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We’re not present. We’re not connected. We’re not actually with the person in front of us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We’re in our heads. We’re thinking about what to say next. We’re thinking about whether they like us. We’re thinking about whether we like them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And we’re not actually listening. We’re not actually seeing. We’re not actually connecting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[PAUSE]<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want to tell you about another client. A woman named Sarah. She’s 31. She’s a marketing director. She’s been on a lot of dates too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Sarah had a different problem. She was present. She was always present. She was always herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But she was attracting the wrong people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said, “Sarah, who are you attracting?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She said, “Men who are emotionally unavailable. Men who are distant. Men who don’t know what they want.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said, “What do you do when you’re on a date with them?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She said, “I try harder.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said, “What do you mean?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She said, “I try to be more interesting. I try to be more accommodating. I try to be more everything.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said, “Why?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She said, “Because I’m afraid that if I don’t, they’ll leave.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[PAUSE]<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sarah wasn’t present either. She was performing. She was contorting herself into what she thought they wanted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She wasn’t being herself. She was being a version of herself that she thought they’d like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that’s exhausting. That’s unsustainable. That’s not a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[PAUSE]<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So here’s the question: How do you find love in a world that’s designed to distract you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do you connect when everything is pulling you away?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The answer is presence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Presence is the most powerful thing you can bring to a date. It’s the most powerful thing you can bring to a relationship. It’s the most powerful thing you can bring to your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Presence is not about being perfect. It’s not about being interesting. It’s not about being impressive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Presence is about being here. Right now. With the person in front of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[PAUSE]<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want to tell you a story about David. The same David from the beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We worked on presence. We worked on listening. We worked on being here instead of being in his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He went on a date with a woman named Sarah. He wasn’t performing. He wasn’t evaluating. He wasn’t trying to be anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He was just present.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He listened to her. He asked questions. He shared things about himself. He didn’t overthink. He didn’t analyze. He just was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And she felt it. She felt seen. She felt heard. She felt connected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They’ve been together for eight months.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[PAUSE]<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s what I want you to remember.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can’t force connection. You can’t manufacture chemistry. You can’t manipulate someone into loving you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But you can be present. You can be here. You can be with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that’s enough. That’s more than enough. That’s everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[APPLAUSE]<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thank you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[MUSIC \u2013 INSPIRING] [HOST]: Please welcome to the stage, Dr. Elena Vasquez. [APPLAUSE] [DR. VASQUEZ]: Thank you. Thank you. Please, sit down. She pauses. She looks at the audience. She smiles. I want to tell you a story about a man named David. David is 34 years old. He’s an engineer. He’s intelligent, successful, kind. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":130,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-151","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-connections","category-partnership"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=151"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":152,"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151\/revisions\/152"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/130"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=151"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=151"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.datingabc.love\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=151"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}